Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

  • Mood:

the right stuff

so I tried this flight to keep my klonopin consumption down in an effort to see if having used it previously had desensitized me to the terror of flying. I took one two hours before I was supposed to leave and then when the plane was two hours late I took another two hours before the rescheduled departure and got on the plane and sat in my seat and felt my heart pounding and the little thoughts of "sure hardly any of these things crash but you can bet that on the ones that have there were people thinking the very same thing and [cue obsessive magical thinking] this means that since you are thinking this very same thing this plane will crash too!" except that they were only getting out the first few words before sputtering out.

but I wanted to be calm enough not to worry about my heart rate so I took one more without water to find out that klonopin has no taste and melts in your mouth. how convenient! I tried to swallow it with just spit but it kept sticking to the roof of my mouth where it slowly disintegrated. takeoff was a little sketchy and every time the pilot adjusted the throttle I felt a surge of fear but by the time we got above the clouds I was feeling mostly ok so I hooked up the ipod and closed my eyes.

from there I proceeded to drift in and out of a kind of sleep that only klonopin provides, where I am never unconscious of the fact that I am sitting up and music is blaring in my ears but every now and again I think to myself "oh I'm sitting at my computer at home" and then suddenly I realize I'm on a plane or I think to myself "oh I'm sitting in lisagail's livingroom" and then suddenly I realize I'm still on a plane or I emit a very loud snore, jerking myself alert and slightly embarrassed at the heads turned in my direction.

I think I only snored three times.

then for some reason I became fully awake in an instant as we passed over Portland. I opened my eyes and saw Mt Hood and thought cool we're almost there and that was it. the nods were over.

Mt St Helens was smoking as we passed. I kept waiting for it to erupt for our benefit but it just smoked absently.

landing was no sweat and I didn't even have to help the pilot find the airport. he seemed to know where it was.

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