I'm giving myself the day off today. I haven't done that officially for more than a week. and it was a stressful week in many ways and though many of those many ways were my own damned fault I still need and deserve a break. tomorrow it's back to grading papers and thinking about the dissertation. yeah I should be writing and not thinking but there is a little mental organizing I have to do which will hopefully then leak out onto paper or rather into .doc file.
Judith emailed me yesterday to ask if I was still working with her. sigh. has it been that long? it is so easy for me just to disappear. I really need an agent or a cheerleader or someone who can help me to keep myself on the map. right now I am looking through journals to see where I want to send bits of poetry with Lyn's blessing and I keep putting off choosing excerpts because I start thinking well this thing I'm working on is all of a piece and any part looks like any other part so if I send one part off once I can't very well send other parts off later because they are indistinguishable so I just sit here and don't do anything.
and I need to track down Max Valerio who likes my stuff and was going to introduce me to some Important Literary Scene people but never got back to me. oddly he doesn't seem to have much of an online presence. get with the times people!
and and and I should go back to Kvetch next month and find a more rousing piece to read.
haven't I paid enough dues yet? maybe this whole life thing would work out better for me if I didn't vanish at the crucial moments as has happened nearly every time in the past.
I was thinking of taking the camera out for a spin today but it is getting all cloudy. unlike some photographers I prefer the brilliance of sunlight especially in the winter when it is at that low sunset angle nearly all day. dramatic shadow turns me on.
even if no camera I will go for a stroll in a little while. call me insane but during the christmas shopping season I actually like being downtown amidst the frenzied crowds. makes me feel like something exciting is going on even though I'm not particularly interested in participating in the event that is underwriting the flurry. although of course I'm not averse to shopping for myself but really this no-cash situation I am in until January is making me a bit reluctant to spend. a bit. a little.
we'll see. Red Dwarf is out on DVD and I don't know if this is new or not but I just noticed and I want. buying it two seasons at a time from amazon.com is really the most economical option but if I got it from Virgin today I could be watching it tonight.
on the other hand I'm still on season four of South Park and three of the Simpsons and I have a whole shelf of Monty Python to get through so perhaps I can wait for a delivery. S turned up the other day with a cheap little dvd player to go with our tiny little tv and tiny little cheap stereo so now we can watch in the warm livingroom with the comfortable chairs instead of perched on office chairs in my room. yay!
I hear a parade. Mission Street is so fun.