• Mood: chipper

they rode on

up at 6:30. just a second ago I was thinking what would happen if I forced myself out of bed everytime I woke early, which I often do even "normally," but then realized that normally when I get up early I go through a zombie period from about 8:30 to 11am which is when I usually sleep like a drugged mental patient: barely waking up every now and again, too groggy to do more than check the clock and close my eyes and drift back off. sometime between 11 and noon a switch turns in my brain that says ok! enough!

neurotransmitters are weird. one day perhaps I will see what mine do without the psych meds and maybe even without the estrogen factories because they are still in there and gods know what they are doing although it seems clear that they've pretty much shut down operations. my psychiatrist says that we should probably wait till my life is more stable before tinkering with anything i.e. he'd like to see me out of school and adjusted into some semblance of a career and all I can think is I hope he's planning on living a long time because he's pretty good and I don't want to have to go psychiatrist shopping when I am 80 and still uncertain as to what I should be doing in life.

I mean I know what I should be doing in life. I should be writing. but I think he means something lucrative enough to provide financial independence. I'm not sure if he's older than I am. hopefully not too much.

but so I've made my internet rounds and am now waiting on AIM for lisagail to get the hell out of bed and login so I can blast her with my caffeinated good spirits. where is she? here I am getting up early for a change and she had to go catch a cold which apparently she's having to sleep off. we sure didn't plan this very well.