this is not an entirely novel occurence but in this case i don't even know if it is going to be abstract and dense or chatty and full of the daily news.
i have been reading and every few minutes i have to put down my book and run in here and write something which on the one hand is gratifying because it seems productive and on the other hand indicative of a certain compulsion to answer the arguments my reactionary quarter puts to me while i read. my god but they are a pain in the ass. i remember for instance my mother once saying i think god allowed those awful things to happen to the indians because they weren't christian and goddammit if this doesn't pop up while i am reading the winning of the west to find out what roosevelt actually wrote.
and it is not like it makes any kind of logical sense since plenty of christianized indians found themselves lied to massacred and otherwise generally cheated of life and means but this is the caliber of argument that goes on in my head. no the caliber is not impressive. the persistence however is. and the stakes are raised anew with every successive point. that is it is not as though i can vanquish them with one good argument because even the most precarious assertion drives me to an all-encompassing frenzy of self doubt. it is as though i never argued successfully before and must start all over again each and every time.
christ on a crutch.
i think i will put that into the cupboard somewhere. christ on a crutch.
at the moment i just want to scream. what is it i want to scream.
to roosevelt who is long dead: you can't argue that they didn't own the land when their ways of conceiving of stewardship of the earth were so different from yours. that and the simple fact that yes they were here first and maybe in some primitive way that will satisfy you that meant that the region was theirs insofar as it was liable to be anybody's. the assertion that land unterritorialized by 'civilized' means is a waste ignores the reality of the profusion of life that existed in those lands beyond the narrow sphere of profit-seeking humanity.
someone please point me in the direction of a noncapitalist nonchristian society i can visit for a restoration of perspective. hurry before they are all gone.