relatively and for the most part. I don't know if I will ever be rid of the basic anxiety of performing but I hear that everyone suffers it to an extent but I'm still not convinced that everyone looks upon public performance as a little death like I do and that is what I fear I may never overcome. it's too bad because sometimes I'm actually good at public performance but dying three to five times a week is exceptionally wearing.
like I was a good vet tech too and good with dealing with the clients but every work day was a little death precisely because of the public exposure. how relieved I was once the doors were locked and we only had scratching biting and hissing animals to deal with. they didn't scare me at all.
but so now it is time to lock myself in my room with my books and my computer. I'm going to take a little break first but if I am on here in two weeks saying "just one more day off" please chastise me gently. I have a number of things I want to accomplish in the next two months and it is going to take some time and energy to get them all done or rather to get some things started that I need to have started.
2. poetry to journals
3. autobiographical mess straightened up a little and elaborated
4. reading from above writings out there in the world. out loud.
if I do this I will be happy. in the meantime I want to learn photoshop, illustrator, php, and sql. I've started all of these in the last couple of years but have become proficient at none of them. oh and I want to learn real guitar and bass too. where is the time.
I need some sort of ritual in the next couple of weeks. I wonder what it could be. maybe an overnight trip to point reyes to look for bobcats. I wonder if I could carry everything I would need for a night out in the woods on my back, given the equipment I already own?