Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

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i am in the throes of a paper. throes because papers are an agony which signals a passing of life into cold embodiment. i am somewhere in between being lost in all the possible things to say and perceiving a thread around which to organize a portion of those things. i am at the point where it all could still be an utter disaster but where in the midst of that impending disaster a form is beginning to flutter.

the thing of it is is that my professor has explicitly asked for papers that don't hew to the usual linear academic line and so i am trying something that goes against my scholarly instincts but appeals to my poetic ones in mentioning nearly everything that occurs to me and hoping that out of all that will precipitate an argument of sorts although i suspect that if i don't make an argument it would still be acceptable.

i am trying to write perversion alongside coherence and the two are at odds and this could all turn out to be really ugly. i want it to be beautiful but it might be ugly and that is the risk we take. there is just so much and just so much can as easily flower spectacularly as it can burst into the obscenity of a tumor. i don't know which i am going to end up with but all i know is that i want it to go in a thousand directions at once because that is what life does.

as long as i can keep emitting words it will be ok.

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