Erik (eriktrips) wrote,
Erik
eriktrips

party

i put this in alt.support.depression last night (well really early this morning) but upon rereading it think it also belongs here. apologies to anyone who has read this already.

i went to a party. tonight i went to a party. i did bond with two others
who were feeling as antisocial as i was and the three of us stood with
our backs to the room and talked about our dysfunctions so that part at
least was kind of cool.

but what happened was this and that is that every single person from my
thus far relatively short but enormously complicated san francisco past
showed up. i spent much of my time not looking at certain people and
looking at certain other people and wondering when the confusion and
desire and grief are going to fade. i mean there are some things i
should let go of already except that they affected me so thoroughly that
i am still tracking down and picking up the pieces of me that were
scattered to the four winds when the whole thing blew to bits.

it's been four years and i just don't quite understand what happened yet
and until i do i am not sure i can get completely free of it. i mean i
know what i did wrong and i know what i should have done instead but i
still have a hard time equating those false steps with nearly losing my
sanity. the consequences seem out of proportion and i don't know what to
attribute this to other than my own fragility but that isn't enough of
an answer for me.

what happened what happened what happened what happened.
Subscribe

  • chapter one is finished!

    The end of chapter one of UndiaGnosed is near. So near you could click and be right there. This entry was composed @Dreamwidth. Feel free to…

  • That took a long time

    So it took a little longer than I meant for it to but here is another section of the autobiography that will never end:…

  • Why the sky is blue is a political question.

    Why it is important to examine our own ideas before we can change the world around us. This entry was composed @Dreamwidth. Feel free to comment…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments