being in an art college did recall some regret about wasting the opportunity I had at the Atlanta College of Art but then it wasn't that I wasted it so much as at the time I pretty much wanted to die and that was taking up all my time and energy. I do wish I could do that portion of my life over again but for it to work I would have had to have had a different family and different things happening to me as I grew up and I guess that would have meant I wasn't me at all so really everyone else who is not me is pretty much taking my place in that other life I should have led.
hope everyone is doing a good job of it.
it struck me as I walked around all caffeinated that here I am about to get a PhD, I'm the gender I always wanted to be, I'm going to be teaching at the Art Institute of San Francisco and really could things be any better. well I could be getting paid more and I could be not so deeply and desperately in debt but otherwise the circumstances are pretty much the best I could hope for. I mean I know I wanted to be a rock star but living on the west coast teaching artists is not so bad. I've grown up to be a "man" of some kind, which I thought was going to be impossible, and I live independently with a handful of animals and a dream housemate in a tiny gem of an apartment in a lively neighborhood. the only thing I don't have is a sports car and a little pick-up truck. well that and a summer home in the rocky mountains.
life is turning out ok, I think. I hope nothing screws it up, at least not for the next little while. I've had enough of screw-ups for right now. it's probably a great risk just to acknowledge that things are going well. ssshhhhh.