in fifteen minutes I must go to the person who controls my access to my drugs and explain why I have not yet piddled in a cup for them and it is not because I am trying to hide anything as the only drug I'm taking that might show up is the klonopin and that's fine with them but the deal is that I have to call on the phone to make each appointment to go get the cup and fill it. you all know how that goes with me. it's the sort of thing that takes me about six months to think about before actually doing it which is why the cat's vaccinations are always late and my teeth have to crumble before I go to the dentist and why it will be three months of no credit card payments until I get a lawyer to tell them all that they can't threaten me anymore (although I am not actually reading or hearing their threats as I do not answer the phone or read mail from banks) and why I never get my bloodwork done at the intervals I am supposed to and why it never occurs to me that I could actually hear a friend's voice if I wanted to.

so I will explain all this and hopefully delay exasperation one more month. if there were a way to get into the computer and schedule all my appointments we'd be home free and I think there might be and I think I will ask her if we can do that.

the phone thing is nearly a disability. I cannot even explain the problem exactly but it has something to do with the fact that when you are on the phone you are in a relationship that demands that there be conversation every second and I just don't do those sorts of relationships.

teaching is done for the week and we are forging on and the concepts are difficult both to learn and explain and I am going to try to keep things under control a little more next week although I just don't know of any easy way to present postmodern and deconstructive thought. its celebrated obscurity is supposedly one of its faults and something that makes it less-than-credible--a charge that theoretical physics never has to answer--but in any case explaining it in simple terms is only barely possible.

I will post my notes later today. you'll see what I mean. right now I need coffee on the one hand and a nap on the other.