Erik (eriktrips) wrote,
Erik
eriktrips

  • Mood:

a little off the top

freshly balded. this time I used the clippers at the shortest setting and there are still little 1/32" hairs sticking out but that's fine. if I shaved down to the skin I'd have to worry about ingrown hairs. as is I did manage to slice a little out of the top of one ear. nothing noticeable but I suddenly feel a kinship with van gogh that goes beyond the red beard.

I guess this means it is bedtime. I want to stay up and play but then the other part of me, most noticeably the eyelid part, wants to go to sleep and wake up early and start being virtuous. not that today wasn't virtuous but I didn't do anything that the world is tapping its foot at me for but rather other things that I want to do probably in part precisely because the world is not tapping its foot at me. I don't understand social expectations. why do we submit to them? why are they important? why is it if I don't get this degree I will probably sink into a dismal depression for gods only know how long?

I don't know. I do know that I've gotten myself caught up in having people expect things from me and my therapist thinks that's a good thing. I'm still not so sure myself. I'm not very good in situations where people are waiting for me to do something. knowing exactly why that is does not particularly help.
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