I guess this means it is bedtime. I want to stay up and play but then the other part of me, most noticeably the eyelid part, wants to go to sleep and wake up early and start being virtuous. not that today wasn't virtuous but I didn't do anything that the world is tapping its foot at me for but rather other things that I want to do probably in part precisely because the world is not tapping its foot at me. I don't understand social expectations. why do we submit to them? why are they important? why is it if I don't get this degree I will probably sink into a dismal depression for gods only know how long?
I don't know. I do know that I've gotten myself caught up in having people expect things from me and my therapist thinks that's a good thing. I'm still not so sure myself. I'm not very good in situations where people are waiting for me to do something. knowing exactly why that is does not particularly help.