nervousI guess today I have to grade as many papers as possible. I really want to work on the dissertation but I've got to get their papers done first. at least, I think I do. I don't know if they are anxious for their grades so much as for their next assignment which I wrote yesterday and could easily email them today to get that off their minds. considering the rate at which the papers came in, I don't get the sense of urgency that I get with berkeley students. I think at this point they all know they're going to pass unless they really fuck up and that really is all they care about. bless their hearts.
I'm all nervous now about getting the diss together enough for an audit. I mean she didn't say to produce 100 well-organized pages by december but still I think I need to have some sense of trajectory running through the whole mass. that and I still have things to say so I don't know whether to continue to get content down on paper and screw the organization or to stop and arrange things neatly. perhaps I should ask.
I'm also not sure how big I should let it get before imposing order. the bigger it is the harder that might be I suppose but on the other hand some natural articulation might eventually arise if I just kept writing.
maybe I will write today and not grade papers. oh god I don't know which to do. I could ask my students if they care that much about getting their grades right away I suppose.
I know I could try to do both but you know how well that works for me. perhaps what I should do is write until I am about exhausted with that and see if there is anything left for a couple of papers.
"hopping like a toad." whenever I'm nervous I sing "Riders on the Storm" to myself unless I am about to perform something in which case "Toast" goes through my head over and over.
some of you don't know what "Toast" is. you can find "Toast" on this page, along with "Immediate Impound Zone," the hit single.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
