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dammit jim

she canno' take no more.

I don't know how I'm going to get all the way through to the end of this by monday. I have to prepare for class tomorrow and I can't go any further today. I guess I got a good bit done, really, and just put some headings on the random short sections that don't really go anywhere towards the beginning. I will probably do the same when I get to the end where there is a lot of garbage floating around waiting for a space. sort of if you can't move it throw a tablecloth over it strategy.

now what. I feel like putting on some flashy clothes and looking for porn. thing is I've come to the conclusion that it is more cost efficient to get your porn on the internet unless there is a particular film you want to own. I've got Bolt and although I'd like to get some good bondage and wax/branding/bloodsports footage I am not sure what are the best titles there. maybe I need to buy that Guide to Men's Erotica that I keep seeing in the bookstore in the Castro. the Gulch seems to carry close to everything. this other place I went into first is a little overstocked with shaved, built white men. Colt stuff. I like to draw those guys but I don't really care to see them have sex.

maybe I'll put on the clothes and just walk up to Castro and back. san francisco is interesting and teeming with unusual sights but sometimes I just feel bored with the neighborhood shopping scene. maybe I should get a car and drive down to Target for cheap underwear or something.

whatever I decide I better get a move on before the sun goes down. not that I mind walking around in the dark but what is the point of looking good if no one can see you.

I need to shave my head. I don't have time till Tuesday.


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 3rd, 2005 11:09 pm (UTC)
b-b-branding? not for real, i hope. ack. i've just read about that and it was too much for me!

Dec. 3rd, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC)
I think it's for real. I dunno. never seen it before.

I have a pain fetish. don't mind me.
Dec. 3rd, 2005 11:22 pm (UTC)
oh, so do i, which is pretty funny, because i'm the biggest wuss in the world when it comes to pain. or maybe that's why!
Dec. 4th, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC)
you ever try seeing how much pain you can stand? it's... interesting.

I used to cut, which is not the best thing to do as a solitary activity, but I can say that the pain itself does get some neurotransmitters going that usually don't do much.
Dec. 8th, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
lj just delivered unto me your reply. damn lj.

i've dabbled just a little bit in paddles and clips, but mostly i've played voyeur (never in person, alas). maybe it's the idea of pain that interests me -- it's frightening and upsetting and somehow can be very hot. cutting i'm sure i couldn't do, as i get rather squicked by blood.

a friend of mine is into what he calls "medium pain," far beyond what i'd like. the phenomenon of that would be interesting to study.
headline wanted - happy_jack_2005 - Dec. 4th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 4th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
yeah I've bought a couple of cheapies and although one had some great 70s looking fags on it the others are really tepid. barely above amateur and in some ways worse--amateur pornographers at least get excited in their own films. I hate watching guys who can't even stay hard try to look like they're having sex.
Dec. 4th, 2005 01:23 am (UTC)
i dont like porn, i must be weird. it's just sooo gross up close like that. but i liked one, the story of O. then i have seen some ok lesbian or 3 way soft porn shows on showtime or cinimax that were ok for about 5-10 min.
Dec. 4th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
well I do think the testosterone has made it much more interesting. I think it kind of switches on your visual erotic drive or something.

I never paid much attention to porn as a woman.
Dec. 4th, 2005 09:31 am (UTC)
Ask dodgingwndshlds. Really, you should ask him. He's a sweet fella who works in a porn video store in Portland (he's from SF though). He'll do the research for you and then recommend some titles.
Dec. 4th, 2005 10:42 am (UTC)
I will too... Believe me, I would like to see some good deep pain play Porn myself...It tends to not translate well onto video... The energy is not there....But gimme some time to look into it...

Dec. 4th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
far out! thanks. I'm just bored with the vanilla porn. I mean after a while it all looks exactly the same. I want something unusual to happen and it rarely does.

I actually like Bolt even though it is rather clean cut just because everyone looks like they are having a good time. maybe I just need more titles whose stars are actually into what they are doing, whatever it is.
Dec. 4th, 2005 09:09 pm (UTC)
Sounds like you need a submissive sadist that you can order to hurt you and that you can fuck and rough up a bit. Hmmm...do you know anybody like that? Ha ha.

(subminimal message...go to eros...go to blowbuddies...go to screwup...don't be selfish by keeping all that intensity to yourself)
Dec. 4th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
haha! I have a thing about fucking friends though. I'd rather fuck strangers right now. but that could change.. I've felt differently about it in the past.

(yeah I might go soon. so busy lately no time to think about even checking out when and where.)
Dec. 4th, 2005 10:29 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm the opposite. I always want to fuck my friends, 'cause then after the fucking etc, you can just go back to being friends without the romantic expectations.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )


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