sleepyI just deleted a meaningless paragraph about a dream that didn't inspire or frighten or move me in any way.
I could write my winter holiday letter today but that seems an unpleasant chore just now given that it involves contact with family. I think I will put it off a little longer. I like my extended family and they like me but I'm still afraid of them I think. part of me still wants to die when I'm around them and I imagine it has to do with their association with my parents. but so to think about communicating with any of them is not going to help me remain stabily un-pissed off.
I think I will go read about art. when I'm done with that I will try getting back into God is a verb, a book on kabbalah that I started maybe a year ago and have not finished yet. at this point I think I will have to reread a fair amount to see where we are now. with luck this guy won't say anything triggering.
I fear though that reading will put me to sleep. I fell asleep in my chair last night around 9pm and did not rouse myself sufficiently to get up and go to bed until 11:30. I set my alarm for 7:30 thinking that I'd already gotten a couple of hours of sleep but I guess chair sleep is not all that satisfying as I can feel a deep nap coming on. well maybe I'll go out to the livingroom, read, and nap in the chair again.
