okaythat is, I would keep writing if I didn't have a ton of grading to do. still there is a paragraph I'd like to get out so I will do that first after sitting and showering this morning and then move on to grading. I can't keep dreaming up scenarios without risking my sanity so I will see if it is possible to avoid that temptation.
I suppose zen would have me give up this attachment to getting a phd but I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm willing to suffer for the desire for now. that seems reasonable to me and I'm not sure the answer to a life that offers you various things is to completely efface your desires but rather to refigure them in such a way that the ego doesn't become a big devouring monster.
anyway. so maybe today I won't be the bundle of anxiety and gloom that I was yesterday. we'll see what happens when the first coffee of the day wears off.
