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isn't it interesting how the way things really are never match up with any of the ways you have them played out in your head.


I wish I could keep this in view but the pernicious voice is the one that says yeah but this time it really is the worst you could imagine. and for some reason it is really really difficult to answer that one back. what if it is the worst? what if the plane crashes? what if the rapture has happened?

well that one was easy to trace back.

I bought some soldering wire made variously of tin, lead and silver and I'm going to see tomorrow afternoon maybe what will melt it. I have a little soldering iron and I have a propane torch but the soldering iron you can use indoors whereas the torch frightens me a little. if I go outside to make art someone might see me. oh look. another reason to medicate my social anxiety.

right now I think I will go read about art and drink my nightly liter of fizzy water and see how long it takes before I nod off. I'm not ready to re-tackle buddhism again but might start up soon with some primary texts instead of popularized interpretations that invariably suck up to the common denominator of american society which no matter how you slice it ain't me. put me at the top, put me at the bottom, whatever. I don't fit in the middle.

what do you call someone who won't quit pursuing their calling even when they get pummeled regularly for the trouble? brave or stupid? I'm not sure how to put this without sounding arrogant but I sometimes wonder what it is like to be content and satisfied with dinner and the newspaper every evening and mowing the lawn on saturdays. or is anyone really content with that?


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 15th, 2005 02:08 am (UTC)
Whether you use a torch or a soldering iron depends on not only the content of the wire but the thickness. We had what I would consider fairly thick copper wire that was being torched together at work. Whereas usually, I can work with various thin lead/tin solders with the soldering iron. But I don't remember the gauges for the thin wire for this to be useful. I am guessing somewhere in the mid to high twenties would be the appropriate gauge for what I was working with. I have never done anything with silver. Also with the lead/thin stuff, try to work in a wide open and well ventilated space.
Dec. 15th, 2005 04:55 am (UTC)
most of the soldering wire is quite thick and I think made to be torched. perhaps I will take my torch and my various wires outside with me tomorrow and just see what sort of mess I can make. there's lots of air out there and what I am fairly sure is non-flammable concrete.

this sounds fun. pity I have work to do first.
Dec. 15th, 2005 04:18 am (UTC)
maybe you could double yr dosage before you go outside?

ps. the answer is passionate and it's the way to go, i think. however, passion is a maddening combination of brave and stupid, so...

Dec. 15th, 2005 04:58 am (UTC)
oh how well I know the "stupid" portion of that formula. but still I keep going. at least the "really really stupid" places I've been have made me a little more alert not to go there again.
Dec. 15th, 2005 04:22 am (UTC)
Have you ever tried reading Chogyam Trungpa? He is the real thing, and doesn't dilute the teachings for Western ears, but he did (he's deceased) make them feel absolutely relevant and close to what we experience everyday. Not at all exotic. He was a Tibetan Rinpoche, raised in Tibet, who fled here after the communists invaded. Well, he went to England first, attended Oxford, got married, had a car accident (he loved fast cars) and - came here and established a very large Tibetan Buddhist Center in Boulder Colorado. It's likely you've heard of him, he started Naropa Institute there. I would recommend, Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism and The Myth of Freedom to start with. Both excellent. Reading the original text is always good, but if you aren't reading Sanskrit, it is also an interpretation - after all.
Dec. 15th, 2005 05:04 am (UTC)
thanks for the tip. I had not actually hear of him. I will look him up next time I am in a bookish place.

yeah translation can itself be a crapshoot depending upon the fastidiousness and honesty of the translator, but it is usually difficult to translate so poorly as to lose every bit of nuance that a primary text has over a secondary text.

not impossible. but difficult.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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