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Jan. 8th, 2006

well I can't think of a worse way to spend a sunday than flying back east to make arrangements for your mother's funeral and burial. especially when it is such a sudden thing--her mother just started feeling sick in the last week--she thought pneumonia but we were a little sceptical--and had been in the hospital for like a day and then they released her thinking all was well and then she just died.

I have to say I'd be on the plane with them if they needed me but I'm glad not to be all the same. I don't know. I keep thinking I should go but I'm not lisa's partner anymore but I am sort of family insofar as I'm the ex who never really went all the way out the door. but going would cost more money than I can afford and more time than I really have and would be very stressful socially but I know when something like this happens you just do what you have to do.

I did tell lisa that if she decided she needed me there then I'd find a way to get there. I just don't know if that's enough. perhaps I will ask after they land tonight.

in the meantime I suppose work is the best thing to do. sitting here thinking about death is not useful. I do have candles going and when this pillar is used up I'll go get more. about all I know to do is to make a little light where possible and see if that influences the universe in any way.

lousy day. I wish I knew what to do.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:10 pm (UTC)
making light with candles is universal at moments like this, and it matters. not sure i think the universe notices, but on the heart level, it's important.

i sent you an e-card earlier that hasn't been delivered. wasn't much, just a cat picture, but i was thinking of you.

(sorry about the repost, due to egregious error of punctuation.)
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
it's funny. I will also delete responses that I screw up. also if I forget to choose the userpic I meant to choose.

thanks. berkeley's email is back up. I will see if the card got relegated to the autospam box.
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
oh yeah. sometimes the wrong userpic will weight a comment or reply ALL wrong and need correction. i get that.

the card was sent to yahoo. maybe they put it into a spam filter. as i said, it didn't amount to much. but it was a good cat!
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
well dang. can't find it in their spam box either.

thanks for the thought though!
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
ah well. here, try this: taking a drink.
Jan. 8th, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC)
oh cool! thanks. he should be dressed in a tux because he's doing one of santiago's favorite things!
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
I'm guessing that the next couple of days are going to be a bit of a blur for Lisa. I think she'll really need the extra support when she's back home trying to get life back to "normal". She knows you're with her in spirit and I'm sure that's helpful for her. Just keep checking in on her.
Jan. 8th, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC)
thanks. I suspect you may be right. I might want to come up there for a couple of days a little later.
Jan. 9th, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC)
that would be nice. do not worry about being here-i will lean heavy on you when i get back
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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