there is a message from Judith in my inbox in response to my request to meet to talk about her impressions of what I've written so far.

I am afraid to open it. I want to do a little work today but I'm all stressed out about this email and I don't know that I can do work without opening it but am not sure I want to open it just yet.

tomorrow you see I have therapy in the afternoon and so if it says something terrible I would have a place to cry about it.

on the other hand I'm not sure I can just ignore it and go on with my work.

so I'm melting a klonopin under my tongue to see if there is any bravery inside it.


dumdedum.

I do have other work of course as always but I have all day.

I predict that the email will either say "yes give me those next ten pages" or "let's meet on such-and-such a day" without saying anything else one way or the other and I will be reduced to trying to suss out from the way she wrote "Dear Erik" whether she has good news for me or bad.

argh.

ok here goes.