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for hire

I spent all day in berkeley trying to beat the bushes for jobs. I missed one stop but will go back there next week. I really have a month and a half to find summer work, but I found out that the fellow I will probably be a reader for isn't teaching till the second six weeks which leaves me penniless in june so I need to hustle for something for then.

after asking everyone there for employment I took an hour to answer craigslist ads for which I've gotten one reply from a site that looks like a weird pyramid scheme but I'm going to see exactly what it involves before writing it off as a complete scam.

I still think I should sell my wares on my own website but who the hell has time to set such a thing up and yet that is one of my "skills" that I am trying to market and it would be good to have something set up for myself as a sample of my work.

it would help tremendously if I could work up more than four hours' worth of productive energy per day. I don't know if it is the combination of meds or my native crappy metabolism but this has been an ongoing problem since I was, like, 15. the only med I was taking then was beer, and that only on weekends. I drink coffee all day and then I cap it off with my rockstar stuff and I'm ready for bed at 8.

I suspected back when I started this venture that the post-partum depression from my dissertation was going to be enormous and I think that part of the problem right now is that it is already starting. here is this big thing I've worked ten years to accomplish and what it will get me is a pat on the back from Judith and Lyn, a lollipop (seriously) from the Grad Division, and then an unceremonious dump on the sidewalk to make my fortune with a rhetoric phd.

see things were supposed to fall into place and I was supposed to have some idea of what I wanted to do by the time I got this far but I'm beginning to feel like I just invested fifteen years of my life in order to return to the same feeling of being unable to take care of myself and unfit for adult occupations. now I realize this is irrational thinking but just work with me for a minute. I still won't take a 40-hr per week job unless it involves me sitting here in my room doing something with computers. I can't write for 40 hours a week but could put in 20, I think. unfortunately the US is not a place to get paid for writing.

the one thing I do have going for me that I didn't used to is the realization that I can't sit around and wait for people to ask me for my work but I have to put it out there as an offer. on the other hand I can't stand the idea of going through any more job interviews. they were humiliating in 1979 and I can't imagine they've gotten much better especially with the privacy-invading drug tests and personality inventories.

as I was walking towards BART feeling like a 14-year-old who was about to be thrust into the world of adulthood without a crown to his name it did occur to me that there might be a future in grant writing. not only for myself--if I can learn to write grants for myself I can get other people to pay me to write theirs too. I should, I suppose, look into a workshop. I can't believe there aren't classes for this at berkeley. the art institute at least offers classes in the gallery system and how to publicize your work. academia is so puritan that it prefers not to think of intellectuals groveling for spare change but we have to live in this world.

I might have to live off the generosity of my friends in june but maybe I could get a grant to do some weird ass writing project. like the one I've already got going, for instance. it's art, after all.

should I move to europe? canada?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
tahari
Apr. 20th, 2006 01:33 am (UTC)
What do you do, exactly?
I'm going to be drumming up a ebusiness consulting clientele and a lot of people want web pages. I can do web pages but I'm not very good at it and assuming (A) I get clients and (B)I need to outsource web work I'm going to need people to out source it to. So the more people I know who can do stuff, the better.
eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 01:52 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
I can code html in my sleep and design table-based layout in my head. dreamweaver is a hindrance in my view but I can use it. I usually code by hand.

I can also do css although it takes a little more work as it is second-generation web technology and my brain was awol during that period so I had to catch up.

I can do php/mysql application design in theory, but in practice I have not done one yet. I also know a modicum of Apache server administration and am willing to get my hands dirty fiddling with config files until things do what I want them to.

on the front end of things, I do mostly photoshop graphics and a little illustrator. I like my designs but they tend to be dark.

the two things I do not know well enough to peddle myself in are flash and javascript. learning the latter, but haven't had time to really get into it.

any of that useful?
tahari
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
Yes, actually. Assuming I get customers, which at this point I do not have.
eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
far out. I will wish for customers as energetically as I can. that's pretty much it for my talent in sales.
eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 01:55 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
oh and I can write content like nobody's business, but something tells me you have no shortage of writers.
tahari
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
Well, actually that might turn out to be useful - I have a terror of blank pages and if I were to use Max for my business, it would probably be sales.

We should have a meeting at some point so I can get a handle on what you're capable of. I have webex so you could do this from your house if you can run the app (not sure if it will work on windows).

eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:48 am (UTC)
Re: What do you do, exactly?
a meeting would be swell. I am available most anytime in the coming week to two weeks. hell, I'm available for the next three months, but I figure you were talking near future and not distant.

I have both macs and a windows machine, so unless you have some funky linux-only app, I should be able to run it. I adore doing things from my house.
daisydumont
Apr. 20th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
i'm sorry this is so unsettling for you. i can understand (and would probably feel just the same way, for many of the same reasons). hope something good turns up for you in june, and thereafter too.
eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC)
thanks vicki. my ex-psychiatrist once mentioned that he didn't want to change anything in my meds regime until after the stress of the dissertation was over and I told him man the stress will be just beginning then!

I say this a lot I know but being an artist in america sucks ass.
tahari
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
Also,
If you have a portfolio site at this point, just running an ad on craigslist with a listed price (say, $300 for a simple, brochure-type site with ad copy) will probably bring you a client or two.
eriktrips
Apr. 20th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC)
Re: Also,
yeah I need to make something up for myself in that regard. my personal site is a mess: eriktrips.com as I haven't had the time to really work with it for the last year or so since I've been concentrating on the dissertation. it does show my general aesthetic, but parts of it are very 1995, if you know what I mean. I need something cleaner and more business-like.

good suggestion though. I will work on it when I have the chance.
agoraphiliac
Apr. 20th, 2006 03:33 am (UTC)
I hope things turn a corner soon. Or, I mean, I guess everything is changing, so I hope things settle down soon.

It's too bad everything is happening at once. Just the dissertation would be plenty. I hope you can get back to the dissertation & don't have to worry too much about what happets beyond it until it's done.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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