procrastinateyyesterday I went and tried on a pair of pants that are tight and sexy and they were selling for one-third their original price so I looked at them and looked at them and looked at them and then bought them. I'm going to put them on to read my dissertation--one should always feel sexy when working.
they're tight enough that I think I should probably wear my small dick. it's interesting having a choice. I might get away with the bigger one but I would look mighty uncomfortable. is this tmi? it's not like we're talking about intimate body parts--we're talking about chunks of silicon. I've only started wearing them just this past year, partly because I've been buying tight sexy pants and partly because I tried one on and liked what I saw and now I feel a little incomplete without one. most of my pants are baggy enough that you really can't tell but these definitely need a little 'filling out.'
see here is where I start to waver on what kind of genital surgery I'll want that one day far far in the future when I can afford one or another or when insurance starts having to pay for transsexual treatment. both of these days may not come until I'm back to the dust I came from. but the only thing that phalloplasty has going for it in my opinion is that it gives you a packer/dildo that's actually attached to your body. if you are very very lucky, you'll get one you can pee through without much trouble and that would be nice too, but the things that can go wrong with the attempt to make them work that way makes it a less than attractive option realistically.
I guess I'm kind of hung up (ha.) on the sexual function of the small member I already have and I feel I don't want to do anything that might screw that up. in the world I want to live in, medical science would have figured out how to make it grow to a pants-filling size, but that is way in the future although I am fairly sure some people are working on it. thus a metaoidioplasty or whichever of the fifteen ways of spelling it you subscribe to seems like it might do more what I want, and with that you can also try to order the pee function and maybe get it and maybe not.
but to me this is all so much dreaming. I can't imagine ever having enough spare cash for either surgery and I can't imagine ever repairing my credit to the point that anyone would loan me the money for it. yeah one can argue the insurance question, but with the fascists in charge of the country today, and with insurance companies going to great lengths not to pay legitimate claims now, I don't see much hope for that. I suppose that the best thing I could do would be to become some sort of international commodity such that a funded-healthcare-system country would welcome me as a citizen and be happy to pay for my various medical needs.
I guess then that is what I should be working on. which reminds me that the dissertation is waiting. it could be my first step.
