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I don't buy clothing at nearly the rate I used to, partially because the credit cards stopped working and partially because I have been poorer than usual this past year but I do like to go to nordstrom rack and try things on. occasionally I'll find something that I have to have and I'll pay my $30 for a $100 dollar shirt and feel pretty good about getting a good deal.

yesterday I went and tried on a pair of pants that are tight and sexy and they were selling for one-third their original price so I looked at them and looked at them and looked at them and then bought them. I'm going to put them on to read my dissertation--one should always feel sexy when working.

they're tight enough that I think I should probably wear my small dick. it's interesting having a choice. I might get away with the bigger one but I would look mighty uncomfortable. is this tmi? it's not like we're talking about intimate body parts--we're talking about chunks of silicon. I've only started wearing them just this past year, partly because I've been buying tight sexy pants and partly because I tried one on and liked what I saw and now I feel a little incomplete without one. most of my pants are baggy enough that you really can't tell but these definitely need a little 'filling out.'

see here is where I start to waver on what kind of genital surgery I'll want that one day far far in the future when I can afford one or another or when insurance starts having to pay for transsexual treatment. both of these days may not come until I'm back to the dust I came from. but the only thing that phalloplasty has going for it in my opinion is that it gives you a packer/dildo that's actually attached to your body. if you are very very lucky, you'll get one you can pee through without much trouble and that would be nice too, but the things that can go wrong with the attempt to make them work that way makes it a less than attractive option realistically.

I guess I'm kind of hung up (ha.) on the sexual function of the small member I already have and I feel I don't want to do anything that might screw that up. in the world I want to live in, medical science would have figured out how to make it grow to a pants-filling size, but that is way in the future although I am fairly sure some people are working on it. thus a metaoidioplasty or whichever of the fifteen ways of spelling it you subscribe to seems like it might do more what I want, and with that you can also try to order the pee function and maybe get it and maybe not.

but to me this is all so much dreaming. I can't imagine ever having enough spare cash for either surgery and I can't imagine ever repairing my credit to the point that anyone would loan me the money for it. yeah one can argue the insurance question, but with the fascists in charge of the country today, and with insurance companies going to great lengths not to pay legitimate claims now, I don't see much hope for that. I suppose that the best thing I could do would be to become some sort of international commodity such that a funded-healthcare-system country would welcome me as a citizen and be happy to pay for my various medical needs.

I guess then that is what I should be working on. which reminds me that the dissertation is waiting. it could be my first step.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 7th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
i hope you can afford the surgery someday. me, i'd like just to have been born with one. the thought of painful surgery scares me! maybe in my next life. (as if i believed in transmigration of souls...)

did i ask you before how you keep it from sliding down your leg? i mean, is there a sort of harnassy thing to keep it in place?
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:01 pm (UTC)
errr, make that 'harnessy.' i'd put this neologism into the same category as 'procrastinatey.' :D
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)

you can buy a variety of harnessy things to hold your package up in the air. most of them consist of a relatively wide band of elastic with a pouch of some kind attached at the front. kind of like jockstraps with the inside straps gone.
Jun. 7th, 2006 06:51 pm (UTC)
i can picture that too! ok, then. :)
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC)
I can't speak for Erik of course, but I just wear tight briefs (small - which are actually my size) with the stuffer and it doesn't come out. Well, it happened twice or three times, but that is in seventeen years! Luckily, I was able to catch it and fix it. ; )
Jun. 7th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
ok, that makes sense. i've seen the packables in Blowfish, e.g., and wondered how they were secured. (glad you could catch it before the situation got embarrassing!)
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:34 am (UTC)
I wear regular boxers so have to have something to suspend the goods. I tried boxer briefs for a short time early in my packing career but never felt real secure about its staying in place and I have problems enough with anxiety without having to worry about whether my penis is going to fall down my pants leg.
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
yow! that's pretty much what i wondered about. =8-O
Jun. 9th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
I wore some boxer briefs the other day that I thought would be ok with a dick....well, they loosened up and it started slipping down my leg. I kept having to "adjust" myself.
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
Sexypants picture, please.
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC)
ooooh. cheeky!

after I finish my work I'll model them in front of the webcam for you.
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:35 am (UTC)
sorry. went for a walk and it got too late to take pics. tomorrow for sure.
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC)
Yea, I always wear a packy, or ninety-nine percent of the time and feel "wrong" without one. It does fill in the pants nicely. I do stuff big, LOL - I am funny that way. I have started wearing the smaller one though every now and then, and it is fine too.

I know what you mean about both types of surgery. I have always been tempted by the phallo but I, like you, don't want to lose the sensation I have. And, now that I'm having more sex on a regular basis, I've found the "little guy" is capable of more than I thought he was. He gets hard in her hand - wow! Now, we know a phallo won't do that. A phallo needs a rod in it or pump. I know many are happy with them, I'm not knocking it, but it is not the same.

I have considered the kind that Dr. Fischer in Oklahoma makes that are just dildos in the pants basically, from an abdominal flap. Your real stuff, so to speak, is underneath and still accessible. That's a little strange, but it is an idea. Then, you have two sets of genitalia. Kinda weird, but the whole thing is kinda weird... sigh -

But, I will most likely go for the simplest metoiadioplasty - (sp) -- just a release and scrotum. I want to preserve the nerves down there as much as possible, so the less the better. I want to keep the "foreskin" or hood too. Anyway - whatever, like you - I have no money.

We can both work on this "international commodity" angle though, and I do have prospects with work and - who knows, maybe literature. In any case, it's nice to consider it all - if a little hopeless seeming for various reasons.

Jun. 8th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)
I've gotten used to packing very quickly, and now don't like to leave the house without something in there. mostly I like the way it looks, but I am also aware that other people are looking too, and although this is san francisco and you see everything here I want people to see that suggestive shape. some of my baggy pants give it to me naturally, but pack even with them too, now.

sounds like we'd go for the same sort of surgery. I might consider a urethral extension but I'd want to talk about the risks first. peeing standing up might not be worth the destruction of tissue I've grown fond of. I've tried various stand to pee devices and they have all let me down at some point, and except for the flat disc that you can wear against your body, carrying the things is a total pain when you are trying to look sharp.

but yeah it's all dreamland for now. who knows though. after the revolution maybe they'll pay artists more than baseball players.
Jun. 7th, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
I have nothing interesting to contribute to this post, really, except <3support support support<3, and that I'm interested in seeing these magical pants.

That is interesting that you have a choice in dicks. I mean, I suppose I do too, but I never wear mine outside the bedroom. And it's blue. It never occured to me that one might want to have different sizes depending on the tightness of ones pants. Is it different than an ordinary dildo? Is it flaccid? Feel free to provide me with more information about it than I'm asking for.

Did you read about my cyst? I've started looking into labiaplasties because it messed up my girly bits. But that's purely a vanity thing. And I really hope I'm not that vain.
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:55 am (UTC)
I don't think it is vain to want your bits to look nice. those are important parts! and who knows whom you'll be presenting them to. yes I did read about the cyst and it sounded excruciatingly painful.

the packers that you can buy are generally modeled after a flaccid penis, yes, with varying sizes of testicles, or rather the front half of varying sizes of testicles--the whole thing is flat in the back since I guess no one is going to be inspecting the back of your packer in casual company. here is an example packer and in fact it's the one I use most often. it feels oddly surreal to be showing you not only my own dick but a number of men's all at the same time by sending you to a web site that has nothing to do with me personally.

I don't actually own any dildos as I have not needed one for eight years and the one that I had was not silicon and sort of melted after several years of just sitting in a box. it was clear with bubbles. fancy!
Jun. 8th, 2006 05:14 am (UTC)
I like that the colors are "cream soda" and "root beer". Thanks for the info!
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )


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