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exercising restraint

I actually went to nordstrom rack this afternoon without buying anything. I keep telling myself to save the money and yet it vanishes from my bank account anyway. today $50 disappeared. I suppose I should look and see where it went; I only spent $30 on groceries. or so I thought. perhaps I'm adding wrong.

right now I am waiting for 6:15 so I can go find out from my doc why my ankles are swollen. it's a possible side effect of nearly everything that I am on but I hope something isn't whipping up on my kidneys. the only drug I'm willing to give up right now is the zyprexa and I'm on such a low dose that I don't know if it does anything anyway. it just happened to be what I was taking when my head started to calm down.

maybe I should walk down that way now and wander around downtown a little. if I just sit here I will get that weird feeling one gets sitting alone with nothing to do. I mean I could do a little something I guess but having evening appointments fucks with my ability to get anything going after about 4pm because then it is 'almost time' to stop whatever it is I might think about doing. I could go stand in the pharmacy line before my appointment instead of after. oh joy. I get to patronize the public health system today. the people are nice enough but there can be long lines.

part of me wants to nap. of all the things I shouldn't start doing an hour before I have to leave.

I guess I'll put on a shirt and walk down there.

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