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boy birthday

oh and not to try to outshine auditorium on her day, this is also a birthday of sorts for me: nine years ago today I got my first shot of T.

boy was I ever nervous. three days later I had a panic attack.

it was a rough start. but I'm so glad I did it I can't even begin to tell.


Jul. 1st, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC)
is that really the way it happened? how amazing. was the therapist surprised, or did s/he already have a clue?
Jul. 1st, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC)
honestly, I don't remember how I brought it up. but it was somewhat out-of-nowhere. she had a copy of the utne reader in her waiting room and it was the issue with loren cameron's photographic portraits of ftm's and I think I carried it into the room and said something like guess what?

seeing the photos in that issue was an epiphany. I had no idea that hormones could work that well.

my therapist took it well, and although she was a little suprised it didn't take much effort for her to make sense of it. that's the way it's been with pretty much everyone I knew both before and after--they were all like, 'well you know? that makes perfect sense.' I guess I was pretty much a boy already.
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Jul. 1st, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)
ah yes. once I knew this was right for me, I was like come ON let's GO. I did have some worries about what T would do to my personality, but having never had a drug-phobia before ;) I just figured if I didn't like it I'd stop.

suddenly a lot of stuff made sense and seeing loren's pictures was like being hit in the head with the possibility that what I had dreamed about for years was possible. I don't really know what made it seem so unreal to me before--other issues obscured this one so I didn't do any research--but immediately upon seeing the pics I recognized myself. that was the revelation.
Jul. 1st, 2006 08:24 pm (UTC)
Yes, when I met Lou in 1988, I knew. I saw him and thought, "Damn, if it works that well (T), then, OF COURSE I will do this!"

That's the value of having images out there, they speak volumes.

Congrats on your T-birthday! I also had some kind of intense panic reaction a da or so after the shot. I was just so excited! And, scared, and excited! It was a revelation and a complete trip.

We are just the "nervous" type I think.... : )

Yea, about Fairy Butch, she is pretty damn masculinized now, although I have noticed some change back. But, I guess it's true, that a lot of it is irreversible. I do think that is true about the revelation prior to top surgery, interesting. Well, better safe than sorry. Those don't grow back!

Jul. 1st, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
Well there's always the ftmtf transition!


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