slowly slowly I am suturing in an old Stein essay to begin the end of my dissertation. it is taking longer than I want it to but my anxiety level is so high that revising more than four paragraphs is exhausting. I'm almost done with this part though, and must come up with something to say about the making of americans which shouldn't really be that difficult but there is not at the moment a central point I can orient my discourse around.

so after writing I think I must read. I'm done writing for today.

there's also all this other stuff I need to get done and I don't have a clue as to how best manage my time. doing undergrad at a quarter-system university has prepped me somewhat for the "it doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you are doing something at all times" approach to budgeting the day. I think I might have to do it this way till I'm done writing.

I've tried schedules but beyond 'write today, computer tomorrow,' I'm incapable of following them. to a certain extent I can't even follow that simplistic a schedule even.

and yet somehow I think I've managed to get everything done in my life that really needed doing. I mean I did finish my bachelor's after 13 years and I swear to all that is unholy that I will get a phd before 45. there are a couple of library books I never ever turned in but the county library there in georgia never sent me any bills or anything. or if they did I ignored them and eventually they went away. see sometimes that strategy works!

still I don't really understand how people are able to do more than one or two things a day. usually one wears me out and in fact I can feel a major drowse coming on but if I could just get santiago off my legs and into the kitchen to bring me some coffee I think I'd be safe. unless it's just siesta time.

what is it with the afternoon nap? I wish the body had just a little more stamina. this is ridiculous.