I had my first airplane anxiety dream of the season last night, as my family and I were about to take off from seattle to go somewhere but my klonopin had been misplaced and I couldn't find it anywhere not even in this very promising looking box with various kinds of pills in it all bearing imprints indecipherable to me or anyone else. it was suggested I make the flight to canada where apparently we were staying for a couple of days and phone my doctor for more pills from there but they didn't seem to get that even the shortest of flights is pure hell for me.
anyway I'll be talking to my nurse practitioner tomorrow about xanax which is what she suggested for acute 'breakthrough' anxiety which this will surely be.
I tremble. why do I put myself through this? why don't I buy a car and drive myself everywhere I want to go? of course the last time I rented a car and drove to seattle I viscerally 'got' that I was in greater danger on the interstate than I would have been in a plane.
when I am old I will never leave the house. I'll be like the people at the old folks' home on the simpsons: not allowing any unpleasant news from the outside in and not allowing myself out.
I seem to be able to walk without too much fear but it is a long walk to seattle. I ought to do it for charity or something that would pay enough for me to make the walk plus give a nice sum of money to some cause that would upset the current administration.
yeah it's going to take another two hours. bed for me.