Erik (eriktrips) wrote,
Erik
eriktrips

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perversion

i think this might be about the seventh start of my autobiography. so far three or four of them have 'taken' but i don't know yet just how i am going to string them together since they are all chapter one and are all unfinished and may or may not all lead into something like a chapter two.

i'm not just a narcissist but also an unimaginative writer who can't think up any characters besides himself. i'm hoping there is something interesting just in that and i think it might have to do with what i try to say here.

so.



Chapter One.
or
on being a female-to-male transsexual living in San Francisco.



what were the odds. when you think about it being a female-to-male transsexual living in San Francisco is really very unlikely. well. if you live in San Francisco your chances of being a female-to-male transsexual are probably higher then if you lived anywhere else in the world. statistically though given the sheer numbers of the world's population then and now it is highly unlikely that any given person at any given time would ever even see San Francisco let alone live there and it is highly unlikely that any given person would know a female-to-male transsexual let alone be one themselves and yet here i am a given person and what were the odds of that and that is why i keep saying that i could have been anyone and in fact am and in fact am not. if you take me as an example i cannot exemplify anything as i am exceptional and yet what am i but one example among many. i could take anyone's place and have and anyone could take my place and will. it's the same for everyone that is being peculiar being particular and being completely exchangeable.

if i say i am just like you and i do say that i am not just like you but i am just like you. there is a fine distinction to be drawn and it is always the same gesture to draw it but the gestures are all different and each highly unlikely.

obviously my odds of being any given person were 1:1 because that is what i am. obviously my odds of being this given person were 1:1 because that is what i am but i am extremely rare. i could have been anyone and am but what were the odds of that they must have been astronomical.

this is partially to say then that this is not my fault as there is no beating the odds and i could just as easily have been you and you me and we both would have been every bit as surprised as we are now. the fact is i am you but we are absolutely nonidentical.

that established. now. now that that is established which is to say that we've established that anyone could have been me and is but i am not what you would call typical. this is because i could not possibly be.

(we have established for instance that fair is fair.)

-----

the end but this will expand.
nighty night.
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