how can I be sleepy and anxious at the same time? it has always been my understanding that these are mutually exclusive although lisagail's tales of falling asleep in job interviews and my own narcolepsis at reading the last book required for my dissertation might indicate that the relationship is more complicated than that.

in any case I'm trying ginseng and a leftover xanax to see if I can get that calm energy that generally I can obtain by simpler but less legal means. if the worst happens and I fall unconscious till 6pm, I still have tomorrow morning to write up the syllabus in such a manner as to appear meaningful to my students instead of in its current incarnation. I've already chosen the diagnostic essay text for usf and have a day to figure out what it will be for the art institute.

I hope this all works. all of it. the drugs, the classes, the dissertation that has been waiting for me for a month, all of it. I need to jettison some responsibilities after classes start if I am ever to finish. december is going to come rushing up like a freight train. I just hope I can find time to do laundry and shave my head.