since being on testosterone, it has become something of a little game for me to sit here without a shirt on and see how long it takes to register that I am cold. I am cold; it is not all that warm in here and I've been sitting quietly for about 45 minutes. but am I cold enough actually to get up and put on my sweatshirt? dig this: I can fall asleep now without a shirt on, cold, sitting in a chair, with my forehead on the keyboard for many minutes now.

naturally the thing I should do is put on my sweats and go to bed. even my typing is slow and full of necessary corrections. I am vaguely aware that santiago is trying to get my attention which means he is somewhere I'd rather he not be knocking over things I'd rather he didn't knock over. where is he now? ah. I marshaled enough energy to shoo him off into some other corner of my room to dismantle something else.

I want to get up at a decent hour tomorrow, which for me means 'before 10.' assuming I go to bed soon, 8am would not be unreasonable but I wonder what would happen if I did not set an alarm. the problem with that strategy is not only that I sleep like a drugged man between 7 and noon if allowed to but the drugged-like state comes with my morning terrors, wherein I panic that I will never be able to wake up. lucid dreaming has its down side. thus the alarm for 10 if I go to bed at midnight. it is like sleeping in but without the panic. there's a statement that only makes sense to me.

okey I put on my sweatshirt. now I am aware that I am no longer cold. I guess I know where to go from here.