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nap, interrupted

so I napped for a little while then woke up with a kind of gi ache that doesn't seem to lend itself to any bathroom remedies so I will take a little extra of the two things I might be physically addicted to: bupe and klonopin. I say 'might' for the second as my np thinks my dose is too low for 'dependency' (and I think I'm beginning to see through that word to what makes it so noxious to American ears) but I have felt a little funky if I get too low a dose in me towards evening so I'm not so sure. I don't care, because it makes it possible to get along in the world to a degree unheard of before, so I'm just as happy to take it for a good long while as long as I can afford it.

thus I don't know if my nap is over. will see what happens to the eyelids after the bupe and klonopin get themselves onboard. I can predict, but what would happen if I added coffee to the deal?

which reminds me: has anyone tried coca-cola 'blak'? or are we a test market? just how satisfying is carbonated 'coffee cola'? it would combine two of my favorite beverage features into one package. they sell it unrefrigerated at usf--I can't imagine that is particularly tasty. lukewarm coffee, coca-cola? no it just doesn't sound inviting. I could get some and put it in the faculty refrigerator I suppose.

I just looked on their website and can find very little information about it. it is available in France and the US, but it doesn't show up on their 'US Brand' pages--only the international list, which says not much. I imagine I'll try it at some point, although if we are a test market I'd better try it soon.

but while on the coca-cola site, I became aware that they own odwalla or are partnered with them in some way. I'm crushed. guess it's back to Columbia Gorge drinks. well their raspberry peach shake is pretty unbeatable.

hm. I think I have cramps. this has happened a few times since starting T. just the uterus saying 'hi! still here!' gotta have that thing out. I think I should talk to my doctor about a pelvic exam while heavily sedated and muscle-relaxed. I wonder if she'd agree to doing it that way. it's about the only way anyone's gonna get a speculum in me. I mean that quite literally. anything bigger than a single slim finger causes both pain and flashbacks. sorry if that is tmi, but it's the facts. I've tried lube; doesn't help either problem.

anyway. for now, ibuprofen. how I ever got along without that stuff is beyond me. I think it became an otc drug sometime in my early 20s. until then all we had was tylenol. almost completely ineffective for anything: cramps, headaches, muscle aches. I don't even know why they sell it by itself: I think it primarily boosts the effects of opiates when mixed with them.

well I am feeling kind of sleepy now but I only had given myself 45 more minutes in which to sleep. I could reset the alarm for 7; I have a car at 7:30.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 21st, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)
i saw Coke Blak (no 'c,' really?) in the stores here for a while, but there's no way i could drink it. wonder how it's going over.

sorry about the impossibility of having a pelvic exam. could you have a hysto without having to pay out-of-pocket? i'd be sort of worried if i couldn't bear regular Pap tests and so on.
Oct. 21st, 2006 01:24 am (UTC)
yeah I do worry a little. I'd like to get an exam done just to see if there are any excuses for getting it taken out on someone else's nickel. I need to get to see her in a couple of months; I always think about bringing it up but never do but I should just be brave and tell her my thoughts.
Oct. 21st, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)
hey hey,
You know that Tish works to get transfolks the care that's needed at appropriate locations and costs, despite whatever barriers, yes? If you want or need any help at any point with getting the exam, let me know and I'll get you two hooked up.

re the coca cola Blak, yes it's in stores here. Odd. Haven't tried it cuz I am so anti-Coke, but i may at some point. I've always liked coffee and coke together. Kahlua and coke is the best form of this... :)
Oct. 21st, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
great icon.

thanks for the offer. I actually go to a transgender clinic, and once I told my doc I was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse she was like, you don't ever have to have a pap if you don't want, but let me know if you ever are ready. I haven't suggested this solution to her yet. she knows I'm addicted to opiates of course so I would hope she wouldn't think I was looking for a cheap high. she's compassionate though. and it would still be stressful.
Oct. 21st, 2006 04:48 am (UTC)
That drink sounds gross...it makes me very thirsty for water.
Oct. 21st, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
well it sure wouldn't be a thirst quencher sort of thing. more like liquor: you drink it for the effect. back awhile ago red hook used to brew a double black stout that was brewed with coffee. it was my favorite beer: legal speedball.

anyway I'll try it eventually and report back. I'm not sure how I feel about putting cola and coffee together as flavors.
Oct. 21st, 2006 06:06 am (UTC)
It just seems like a drink like that would suck all the moisture out of your body. Maybe that will happens when they add chocolate too.
Oct. 21st, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
coca cola bought odwalla not long after that big e coli scare that odwalla went through (and i believe i lived in SF at the time)... that's when they started pasteurizing their juices. by the time i'd left SF, coke had bought odwalla.

i heard recently that odwalla had unbought themselves, but if they are still partnered up at the CC website, then it must not be true. bleh.

we have no coke blak here. i'll check in chicago next time i'm up that way (dont' hold your breath).
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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