I ::heart:: my housemate. in order to keep my bank account from sinking irrevocably into the red, she has agreed to pick up january rent (due some time ago, yes..) for me. this should enable me to eat, though not luxuriously, till my first berkeley paychecks in February. it also gives me a little cushion upon which to sit while I come up with ways to find work for myself. I will be paying her back, of course, but this will help me to stay afloat for right now.

I think, for the time being, I will offer writing tutoring services at various colleges in the area--make up some flyers, emphasize my looong history of teaching composition. I wonder if I should put some up at the art institute....?

in any case, I bet I can make more money tutoring privately than by taking a job at a particular school's writing center. I wonder how much people charge. craigslist research.

the number of people I owe money to in this life is staggering. there are a few I'm even planning on paying back, but there's a list that I have to work through as I go. my therapist thinks it is possible for me actually to make a comfortable living without having to make the suicidal ideation-provoking move of taking a time-clock job somewhere. this is completely new territory for me, who was taught that I would one day take a job with some entity that would then own 40 or more hours of my life every week. the first few times I tried this--well, ask lisagail what I am like with a fulltime job. I pretty much have to be a free agent, self-employed, contractor type worker or I will turn into a raging maniac in short order.

or a drug addict. I tried being an alcoholic but that no longer appeals. many of my work days in my 20s passed sweetly with the help of speed or cocaine, but I can't do those anymore.

thrown upon my own resources. it's happened before, but not usually in the financial arena. that's always been my weak spot. I guess it's time to find out if I've learned anything in the last twenty years.