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the longest day

today qualifies as Longest Day of the Semester So Far even though I slept in till 8:30 after being up past midnight repairing my hard drive. I just got home about 15 minutes ago and am inhaling an Amy's Bowl of Ravioli--the equivalent of a vegetarian tv dinner although it costs twice as much and provides half as many calories which some might think a good thing but I shop carefully for my veggie tv dinners and always get the most calories for my buck. who can survive on a 210 calorie dinner? I mean, get real. and they'll charge you the same $5-6 for it no matter whether it isn't enough food to sustain a mouse for five minutes.

anyway these pack about 400 calories into a dish of pasta. it's still not enough. I will have a bowl of cereal presently.

I know I don't eat the 'correct' way for a human. I know we are supposed to 'graze' all day but I never remember to stop and graze for one and for two the big fill 'er up dinner is part of my reward mechanism for surviving till sundown (ok, 4:30 when I actually have the choice to eat earlier). this is part of my upbringing: the big meal of the day was dinner and it was very comforting to have mom fill you up with hamburger and pasta and cheese in varying configurations. nowadays I just leave out the hamburger, which seriously was my staple food in my early childhood which I think could be greatly disturbing. but it was the 60s. only a small proportion of the population of California were eating any differently.

these days some vegan sites tell me I eat too much grain. you can't win, you know. I crave grain and dairy like they were drugs and I'm sure there's someone out there perfectly willing to tell me they are. I have taken to fruit leather recently but note that the only nutrient it seems to provide in any quantity is potassium, according to the Nutrition Facts, but I suppose one must read that label rhetorically as well and consider what is being left out of the facts explaining why dehydrated whole fruit might be good for you. I dunno. verdicts on fruit leather? they all seem to be made of varying proportions of this and that purée. I assume they purée the whole fruit; it would be labor intensive to peel all the little globules of a raspberry to get at the sugary meat, wouldn't it?

I've also been eating lärabars which, despite the tic for umlaut typography, are quite tasty and promise you raw nuts and fruit and nothing else. I probably love them because what holds them together are mushed up dates, which I love like nothing else. it's true I can't eat a whole date because they look like those huge southern cockroaches, but smash it up beyond recognition and I'm all over it.

it was a long day. I'm glad it's over. I have to wind down and get to bed so I can get up early and work on the dissertation for the first time since november. while repairing my harddrive I noted the last time I had saved the file was 11/24/06. I could have sworn I opened it one day in december and wrote a bit, but I guess that was november.

my desk calendar reads august 2006. I have a new one somewhere but I just cannot keep up with time anymore. fortunately ical keeps me informed of just how quickly time is passing. I think this is why we have to be mortal creatures. if we didn't die, we'd soon reach the point where eternity itself happened in an instant and that would be that. I know that's a self-contradictory statement but I bet there's a way of thinking about it that actually makes sense.

this is what happens to me when you send me out of the house for 12 hours at a time. I come back and talk about everything in the universe because I'm too tired to focus on any small part of it.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 7th, 2007 05:28 am (UTC)
this is what happens to me when you send me out of the house for 12 hours at a time
Me too! I natter away. Sometimes I just come home stupid from a day of work.
Feb. 7th, 2007 04:51 pm (UTC)
Re: this is what happens to me when you send me out of the house for 12 hours at a time
yes I often come home stupid too. I'm not sure that chattering and stupidity are at odds with each other. I was going to write about my day but got completely sidetracked and then I figured the details of my day were pretty boring anyway.
Feb. 7th, 2007 05:39 am (UTC)
Dairy and Cereal Grains ARE Drugs...
Or so thinks pomo philosopher John Zerzan in this essay: http://imperium.lenin.ru/~kaledin/tmp/agricltr.txt
I however, remain unconvinced. Cheers.
Feb. 7th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Dairy and Cereal Grains ARE Drugs...
I just read the first few paragraphs and see where he's coming from, but I'm not sure that it does much good to rant and rave about how things were so much better when we were hunter-gatherers. at the population levels we now sustain, hunting and gathering would be impossible, for one. and there are lots of arguments for why civilization in one form or another was inevitable.

it's interesting though. I'll read more of it later. I'd like to know his opinions on asian society insofar as buddhism espouses a kind of sensual life (that would take some arguing too, but I think buddhism is a phenomenology more than anything else) that eschews dualistic thinking yet arose in a highly civilized society. I sometimes think that it will be what happens when we come out of the other end, so to speak, and that asian culture was way "ahead"* of european culture for a very long time.

*since talking about whose civilization is more "advanced" implies that civilization moves according to a teleology, I put the expression in quotes because I don't believe it does. but I think that asian religion has been more sophisticated than western religion for some time and it's a shame that christianity has put down roots over there now. it's a kind of regression, to my mind.

well didn't that spark a lot of verbiage. it's the coffee.

oh and hi. nice to meet you.
Feb. 7th, 2007 07:45 am (UTC)
Do you ever cook?
Feb. 7th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
very rarely. I feel like I don't have time, or really it's that I'd rather spend what free time I have doing other things. it seems like you can find relatively nutritious food in the freezer section of rainbow, but like I said it's expensive as hell. less expensive than eating out, though.
Feb. 7th, 2007 02:24 pm (UTC)
i hate the way dates look too and won't eat them whole, but they're delicious when doctored. (used to buy packages of them, stuffed with almonds and rolled in coconut. candy!)

>if we didn't die, we'd soon reach the point where eternity itself happened in an instant and that would be that.

yeah! i can testify to the way time speeds up and speeds up. eternity in an instant, how poetic.
Feb. 7th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure I can take another jolt of acceleration such as hit me in the last two years. the days themselves sped up all of a sudden; days had been about the same length since age 25 or so and now I can't get anything done between dawn and dusk because they happen almost simultaneously.

does it get worse? how? how could it possibly get any worse? without time becoming that singularity I alluded to with the eternity in an instant thought?
Feb. 7th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
i'm not sure i'm going to be able to articulate how it has changed for me. a day can still seem to go slowly, but it's the sweep of time that's fast now -- i clock my week from sunday morning to sunday morning, and the weeks just fly by. i look back at a year, and it's nothing. my perception of the Right Now isn't that fast, but still it's much faster than when i was very young. i think it's a matter of perspective, with so many moments and days and years and decades behind me.

maybe it doesn't have to get worse for you, if you learn some kind of mind-trick of perspective? it sounds like your experience may be different from mine qualitatively, though, so i dunno.
Feb. 8th, 2007 04:59 am (UTC)
oh the weeks fly by too; I've had school terms as my larger units of time and they get shorter and shorter even though under the semester system around week 9 it does seem like it's never going to end. that moment passes as quickly as all the others.

a year still takes a little time, although as I mentioned my desk calendar still says august 2006 and I'm not really convinced that I'm late in changing it. with the days going by faster, the year has shrunk too.

I very rarely have a 'long day' in the sense that even when I have a ton to do it passes quickly. part of this indicates that I'm no longer deeply depressed, of course. when I'm suffering physically or mentally time crawls. I'm not willing to go back to that state just to slow down time, I have to admit.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


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