Tags: psychosis


that wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be

the last-decade/this-decade meme in which I try to reconstruct a rough timeline for the last ten years and pretty much fail

Then: January 2000

1. Age: almost 38
2. Romantic Status: monk
3. Occupation: PhD student. I may have taught in 2000 but I really don't remember. mostly I was scraping by doing independent study because I couldn't think or write worth a damn.
4. Fun night out: buying a 6-pack of beer and drinking it in my room while posting on usenet? or would it have been getting into the little piece of shit Honda and driving to Seattle with two big dogs and a bird? it all runs together.
5. My BFFs: ok I'm going to look this fucking acronym up. I think I know what it means but.. OK I think I was probably too old to be declaring BFF! but lisagail of course. then Catherine and was zyrc still in town? again: too much to straighten out.
6. I spent way too much time: arguing with the voices in my head.
7. I spent not enough time: I spent as much time as I possibly could on pleasant things but often those were short-circuited by the voices in my head, so I spent not enough time not arguing with the voices in my head.
8. I wanted to be when I grew up: a professor or a librarian. I still could go get an Information Science degree but I have other things to do.
9. Biggest concern: getting the voices to shut up so I could do some work and look at the sky and enjoy the way trees smelled and stuff.
10. What my biggest concern should have been: are my meds right?
11. Where did I live: San Francisco in the same apartment as now. different room.
12. Dumbest thing I did that year: 2000? I haven't the slightest idea. possibly not ante-ing up for a legal name change. it would have made some things easier than this common law stuff.
13. If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: they will shut up eventually. well, mostly. they get much quieter, let's say.

Now: January 2010

1. Age: almost 48
2. Romantic Status: monk considering maybe possibly seeing people who might be attractive in some way. but probably not.
3. Occupation: part-time editor; full-time seeker of disability benefits
4. Fun night out: 4am climb up Twin Peaks to watch the sun rise
5. My BFFs: still too old for that but you all know who you are anyway.
6. I spend way too much time: freaking out.
7. I spend not enough time: writing or pulling what is already written together because it seems like my last great hope.
8. I want to be when I grow up: housed
9. Biggest concern: rent
10. What my biggest concern should be: what to write next. fuck the monetary system.
11. Where do I live: same apartment as before, bigger room
12. Dumbest thing I have done this year: expect to get paid for my last two weeks of teaching.
13. What I think I would say to myself in 10 years: you're not getting any younger, dude.